Hey ,

"I either have to feel safe OR I have to take risks."

"I can either set boundaries OR I can have relationships."

"I can either process my trauma OR I can feel happy."

One of my clients kept getting stuck in these either/or black/white scenarios.

She'd make progress in one area of her life, only to feel like she was sacrificing something else essential.

It was like trying to play whack-a-mole with her healing. Address one problem, another pops up.

When I pointed out what was happening, everything changed for her.

Here's the trap that keeps most trauma survivors stuck:

Binary thinking.

It's the hidden pattern where your brain can only see two opposing options – with nothing in between.

This isn't your fault. It's how trauma rewires your brain.

When you're in danger, binary thinking keeps you alive: Safe vs. Unsafe Friend vs. Enemy Stay vs. Run

There's no room for nuance when your survival is on the line.

But this same thinking pattern that once protected you is now the main obstacle to your healing.

Let me give you an example from a recent client session.

My client felt depressed, and her body kept reinforcing this state…

Whenever she tried to feel joy or happiness, her system would immediately plunge her back into depression.

She saw it as a binary choice:

"Either I'm happy and vulnerable to danger, or I'm depressed and protected."

Here's what I told her that changed everything:

"Your depressed part believes that if you're happy and joyous, then you're in danger.

And it's assigning happiness and joy to danger with no nuance to it."

So the depressed part never thinks:

'Well, how can I be happy and joyous AND also protect myself from danger? Is that possible to do? To have BOTH things?' "

That moment was a breakthrough.

Because the truth is, trauma survivors think in very black and white or binary states.

We only see one option or one path.

We think in very absolute terms.

But healing happens when you realize MULTIPLE things can be true at once.

You can protect yourself AND experience joy. You can set boundaries AND have deep connections. You can acknowledge your trauma AND build a fulfilling life.

The word AND is a beautiful word…

I recommend using it more in this way to expand what you believe is possible.

In my client’s case…

Her traumatized parts were desperate for safety…

And they've been conditioned to believe that safety can only come through restriction, isolation, or numbness.

But that just isn’t factually true...

You CAN be safe and protect yourself and NOT isolate or numb yourself…but that part of her couldn’t see this.

A big part of successful trauma healing is teaching your protective parts that there are multiple ways to achieve safety (or whatever need that part needs fulfilled).

Just like breaking out of binary thinking…

Healing from trauma is RARELY about solving a SINGLE problem.

It's usually a multifaceted challenge with several dimensions….

Example:

• One part of you needs safety

• Another part needs connection

• Another part needs validation

• Another part needs meaning

No wonder traditional approaches often fail!

They're trying to solve a complex, multidimensional problem with a single solution.

The key breakthrough happens…

When you STOP asking:

"Which need matters most?"

And start asking…

"How can I meet ALL these needs?"

THEN you start coming up with creative solutions to ALL problems and ensure ALL needs are met instead of just meeting one and ignoring the rest.

When my client shifted from…

"How do I stop being depressed?"

To…

"How can I feel both safe AND joyful?"

Her entire approach to healing transformed.

So take a moment right now to identify where binary thinking might be keeping you stuck:

Where are you seeing only two options? Where have you been solving one problem at the expense of creating another? What parts of you have competing needs that ALL deserve to be met?

The most powerful question you can ask yourself is:

"How can I do BOTH or ALL instead of choosing just one?"

Your protective parts might resist this at first….they've been conditioned to believe there's only one path to safety.

But with patience and practice?

They can learn that fulfilling one need doesn't have to come at the expense of everything else you value.

This is how true wholistic healing happens…

— BRAD

PS

If you’re still struggling with PTSD and want my help, there’s a link below this email to schedule a free call with me to see if you’d be a good fit for my program. I don’t care if you click it or not, but if you’re interested in more help + support, it’s there.

Cheers

“No one can heal you, but YOU.”

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