Hey ,

I think a lot about WHY people don't heal from trauma...

And my mind keeps coming back to this one concept.

Self-solidification.

It's a term in science, but it also applies to our own psychology and development.

Scientifically the term "self-solidification" refers to something that goes from a liquid state to a solid state all on it's own.

The easiest example being molten metal...

When liquid metal is left alone, it hardens (solidifies) all by itself.

So here's the problem...

When we're born, we are like liquid metal...fluid, eager to learn, curious, and malleable.

A tremendous amount of growth and change happens when we're young.

But as we age, our senses of self and identity tend to solidify all on their own.

When this happens we can get stuck with outdated operating systems that leave us reacting and living in harmful ways.

Why does this happen?

Why does our sense of self solidify?

And is that even a bad thing?

Yes and no.

The solidification of self is a good thing to a degree, without a solid foundation to grow upon it's easy to let the chaos of life consume you.

But if we are too solid, we lack the flexibility to update outdated programs...like becoming rigid from trauma...we start interpreting normal harmless events as dangerous...

And then the whole world can become dangerous.

I've found that this solidification of self is a natural reaction to trauma.

Why?

It's simple...

Protection.

We get hurt, sometimes in tremendously tragic ways, and our sense of selves tighten up...we put up walls, and surround ourselves with armor, boobytraps, and defenses.

Our entire nervous system gets ready for battle...

It's a natural response to trauma...and there's nothing wrong with it, in the short term.

But here's the problem...

In the short term those defenses can literally save our life.

But in the long term, when you develop PTSD, those defense systems never turn off...

They solidify.

It's like driving down the highway with your foot on the gas and brake at the same time.

Unfortunately many trauma survivors get stuck here...

Sometimes they are stuck for so long that they stop believing that life can be any different.

We put on the armor and we believe that is who we are...

We stop believing we can change...

We turn from a liquid metal to a solid metal...And we stop imagining a better future.

We start thinking we'll always be sad, depressed, and anxious...

Or that we'll always get into fights with our loved ones...

Or that we'll never be deserving of love, forgiveness, or kindness...

And those beliefs solidify into a tragic identity.

And it's heartbreaking.

Because it doesn't have to be that way.

So, how can you combat this solidification?

First realizing that you, yes YOU, can change.

That no matter how bad your life is, things can get better.

Something I would do, and something I still do, is imagine a better brighter future for myself...even if it's painful or seems impossible

When I had PTSD I stopped dreaming...

I stopped thinking about how my future could get better...I just laid down and accepted my fate.

To be honest, I was terrified to imagine a better future.

Why?

Because I was terrified.

Terrified of building a better future, and then losing it all again.

I was terrified of being happy...then to just be crushed again.

In my case, I was abused...

I was afraid to heal from my abuse, because I was afraid that I would allow myself to get abused again.

I soon learned that I wasn't just afraid of getting hurt again...I was more afraid of me not being able to protect myself from the abuse from happening again.

But, it was the envisioning of the future that allowed me to even realize all these things.

When I started imagining a better life for myself...

Better relationships, better self worth, better career, better family life...

I discovered all these problems, objections, and excuses I held in my mind.

But if I hadn't imagined a better future in the first place, I never would have become aware of all these problems I needed to solve.

So...

Imagine a better future.

When you do, you'll become aware of your own excuses, problems and objections/reasons for why you can't do that...

And then once you're aware of those problems?

You can start solving them.

Always remember...

Every problem has a solution.

You can change.

And you're worthy of change.

Yes it's scary.

Yes it's painful.

But damn, is it the most amazing thing in the world.

Plus, what else are you going to do?

Live in pain forever? Or face it in the short term, and be free of it for good?

I know what I'd choose...what I did choose.

Time to melt down the solid parts of ourselves and remold them into something better.

– BRAD

“No one can heal you, but YOU.”

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